This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: August 27, 2020
August 21
Me: finally able to travel to Scotland to see my nephew after 8 painful months of separation
— Medb MacDaibheid (@MMacdaibheid) August 21, 2020
My nephew: pic.twitter.com/4jtE87hDhr
I'd like to personally congratulate Beyoncé on making nine dollars. https://t.co/L1W5ncKfxC
— Matt Wallace (@MattFnWallace) August 22, 2020
What...were...the...perks...before...this?? https://t.co/vzxzhiVlQC
— ny (@nmwissa) August 22, 2020
Enjoy this video of Denzel Washington and Jamie Foxx bonding over Cardi pic.twitter.com/6Du91H83nq
— Chass (@chassity_maxx) August 21, 2020
What was once a funny meme is just now four moods leaving the house during covid. pic.twitter.com/2K35MAn7Pd
— TorAthena (@TorAthena) August 21, 2020
August 22
Donate bloob pic.twitter.com/zy4yxktA7b
— Alyssa Stonoha (@astonoha) August 23, 2020
Nature's state of the art stabilisation. pic.twitter.com/h0bc84W9oK
— Daniel Holland (@DannyDutch) August 22, 2020
Filming bats upside down looks like a goth nightclub 😂 pic.twitter.com/asaj8qVqPZ
— CCTV_IDIOTS (@cctv_idiots) August 22, 2020
I miss how Nickelodeon and Cartoon Network only aired commercials aimed at kids. I wish there was an option for that on Hulu and Youtube like please no more insurance or antidepressants please only show me the latest in super soaker technology
— 𝕤𝕦𝕟𝕗𝕝𝕠𝕨𝕖𝕣 (@spinubzilla) August 22, 2020
BREAKING: A novel treatment has been discovered that can reduce COVID-19 transmission by up to 75%. It's called wear a fucking mask.
— Sam Ghali, M.D. (@EM_RESUS) August 23, 2020
August 23
My girl broke up with her spoken word artist boyfriend and I'm so happy I no longer will be forced to attend that shit
— Sham (@bitterarab) August 24, 2020
Wholesome content pic.twitter.com/snj8MhQEX5
— Dough-Mayne Diego (@Simplemachines_) August 24, 2020
Anyone else's parents tell you after the fact that they had a medical scare?
— ᴛʜᴇᴀ ʟᴜx (@thealux) August 23, 2020
"Oh, we didn't want to worry you. We died last week."
me: come over
— 🕳⚰️💨 (@hedlike_a_hole) August 24, 2020
Malcolm Gladwell: I cant
Me: I need someone to explain a very obvious concept to me by cherry picking evidence from various scientific studies to give an ordinary truth the gloss of counterintuitive genius pic.twitter.com/5t33BiHpMU
i frolicked for the first time ever today bruh. y'all ever frolic before???? why no one ever tell me about this pic.twitter.com/HH03qAouOE
— malik💕 (@AshyMalik) August 24, 2020
I wonder what type of music white strippers strip to. Probably podcasts.
— Too Much Pork For Your Fork (@TheeMarilee) August 23, 2020
August 24
normal writers: how
— Drew McKevitt (@drewmckevitt) August 24, 2020
academics: the ways in which
Conservative Party:
— J (@JayOdjick) August 24, 2020
"Take Canada Back".
Indigenous people:
How far back we talkin'?
when your anxiety levels are lower in a pandemic than at school that says a lot about your education system pic.twitter.com/akj9UdmHh2
— 🌈sovietblobfish🌈 (@sovietblobfish) August 24, 2020
Dunkin Donuts is out here having a breakdown like the rest of us pic.twitter.com/3RNUgMQbuZ
— Dwight "Mountain Mama" Davis (@tdwightdavis) August 24, 2020
Dawg the graphics person was WAITING for this moment https://t.co/HY1TzpEkUG
— Jasmine (@JasmineLWatkins) August 24, 2020
wish i had the confidence of the woman trying to sell this cheese grater as an earring rack on etsy pic.twitter.com/SFRw4KSiuH
— corie johnson (@corietjohnson) August 25, 2020
"i've had sex TWICE and i made her PROVE they were mine!" pic.twitter.com/TUs7NTJw7A
— kai (@kaichoyce) August 25, 2020
DT/45 supporters are sharing this on FB. I don't have the desire to tell them than the man cloaked in white is Charles Manson. pic.twitter.com/jOEUlXpIju
— @297_Aruba_Lover (@297_ArubaLover) August 24, 2020
This weird thing keeps happening in Trump ads where the VO says, "this is Joe Biden's America," and it's over recent video footage which is, quite literally, TRUMP'S America.
— Mikel Jollett (@Mikel_Jollett) August 25, 2020
Jerry Falwell Jr steps down, says he wants to spend more time watching his family.
— Chris Regan (@ChrisRRegan) August 24, 2020
In this Ohio bar, everyone watches their wife have sex with the pool boy
— New York Times Pitchbot (@DougJBalloon) August 25, 2020
Today in a Zoom class my professor casually mentioned her cat and one brave student spoke up: pic.twitter.com/C00eCYQydb
— Sean Brewster (@TheSeanBrewster) August 25, 2020
August 25
Isaac Newton: finally i've figured out gravity
— Glenn (@Shenaniglenns) August 25, 2020
Dairy Queen employee: here's ur blizzard [flips it]
Isaac: are you fucking k-
It's weird when a hot person likes the song Jolene. It's like, you're Jolene..
— Jared Goldstein (@heyjaredhey) August 26, 2020
Historically very untrue lol https://t.co/dTOACSZj3Y
— Tobi Haslett (@TobiHaslett) August 26, 2020
my onlyfans? you mean my parents
— Gwen Thomas (@gwenthomas33) August 26, 2020
sincerely do not get why straight women spend their time on here complaining about the men they date. my bf made me watch him try on cargo pants and said "these pockets will be so great, in case we find a rock or something." love it. no notes
— I hope this is satire... (@sablaah) August 25, 2020
Didn't she used to sell that Wap? https://t.co/ahgIf96S6a
— iamcardib (@iamcardib) August 26, 2020
This was a speech against nepotism. pic.twitter.com/Kgdqwv2mTF
— Rory Cooper (@rorycooper) August 26, 2020
Just put Skype out of business pic.twitter.com/h4Y9O8WCzb
— decent pigeon (@decentbirthday) August 25, 2020
August 26
Hey guys, wanna feel old?
— Macaulay Culkin (@IncredibleCulk) August 26, 2020
I'm 40.
You're welcome.
"aspiring cop" is an interesting way to say terrorist https://t.co/6XCOiKLF2d
— discount pete davidson (@Keefler_Elf) August 26, 2020
Man. When CNN's fact checker @ddale8 gets into his rhythm, he IS the firehose of falsehood. Watch: pic.twitter.com/lzYnQ5xAjf
— Jay Rosen (@jayrosen_nyu) August 27, 2020
Weird. So many bots saying the same thing #NBA pic.twitter.com/JrVY90oX4h
— Quentin Quarantino (@jdubbsimms) August 26, 2020
On Monday night, Trump gave his national platform to a white man who used an AR-15 to terrorize BLM protesters.
— Matt McDermott (@mattmfm) August 26, 2020
On Tuesday night, a white man used an AR-15 to murder two BLM protesters.
But please, carry on praising RNC optics.
August 27
This was so weird. #RNC2020 pic.twitter.com/YHReTl0bfT
— Dana Goldberg (@DGComedy) August 28, 2020
Melania's fashion choices always send a message pic.twitter.com/FvriwnX0fR
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) August 28, 2020
This is Ted Bundy doing the dishes https://t.co/ncKKJYVi73 pic.twitter.com/jcszmmSLSQ
— Vanessa McKee (@vmenendezb) August 27, 2020
the Canadian government says we have to drink beer at a cottage for 2 weeks because we have California on us pic.twitter.com/QVClCK07KM
— Matt O'Brien (@matt_obrien) August 27, 2020
holy shit every single audience member caught it? https://t.co/9cX3B4VhW9
— Prank Stallone (@theCJS) August 27, 2020