This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: October 1, 2020
September 25
My friend was parked next to this at a Wawa in Maryland this morning and it has to be performance art, right? pic.twitter.com/40b17zWtnF
— Greg Bennett (@GreggyBennett) September 25, 2020
"Can you multitask?" Bro I have ADHD. Yes and no.
— �������� 🌺🦦 (@AlexDaWise) September 26, 2020
I don't use this verbiage often but this is a whole vibe. simple as that pic.twitter.com/NfdLsgLkxu
— DrewFrog (@DrewFrogger) September 25, 2020
She spilled the beans. Where is he, Kamala?!!! https://t.co/VcmohQioq1
— FOST (@GeorgeFoster72) September 26, 2020
Date idea: they come over at 9 PM and you both take 2 melatonin and get 10 hours of sleep
— Soel Jchillinger (@Soeljchillinger) September 26, 2020
dentist: your gums are bleeding
— MehGyver (@TheAndrewNadeau) September 26, 2020
me: because you flossed them
dentist: because you don't floss
me: because they bleed when I do floss
dentist: BECAUSE YOU DON'T FLOSS!
me: BECAUSE IT MAKES MY GUMS BLEED!
September 26
come on pic.twitter.com/QjCvnc8k41
— jordan (@JordanUhl) September 26, 2020
Get this kid a twitter account ASAP. An actual savant. pic.twitter.com/4hgoup908X
— Flick (@Frediculous) September 26, 2020
Law is wild. People venerate stuff written over 200 years ago. In medicine we're like "look what these ancient dummies thought in the 1990s"
— Erek Majka (@ErekMajka) September 27, 2020
Seeing Keira Knightley outside of a period piece is like running into a teacher outside of school.
— Ciara Wardlow (@ciara_wardlow) September 26, 2020
Wish there was another word for "anti-Antifa" https://t.co/ZjAPdddgJt
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) September 26, 2020
i have no interest in the travis scott burger. call me when burger king collabs with cardi b and megan for the WAPper
— 👻 ������������ ������ 👻 (@spacebrat_) September 26, 2020
Dog watches a soccer game 😂 pic.twitter.com/0hHIN2RyFJ
— Akki (@akkitwts) September 26, 2020
September 27
the cool thing about rigged tax codes, and 40 hour work weeks, and health insurance, and electoral colleges, is that it's all fake shit we made up and literally do not have to do
— rob (@robwhisman) September 28, 2020
I don't get it when I see skinny people running..... aren't you done???
— J*ckie (@jackies_backie) September 27, 2020
Thinking of some of my "this edible isn't shit" moments. Fav was when I wanted a new candle and just Googled "the store"
— Sophie (@jil_slander) September 28, 2020
Trump really paid less in taxes than most Wheel of Fortune contestants spend on vowels
— Jason O. Gilbert (@gilbertjasono) September 27, 2020
billionaires don't pay taxes folks. this is not news. bernie did two whole presidential campaigns about it
— funke (@RFFunke) September 28, 2020
Imagine what would happen if everybody paid 750 dollars a year in federal income tax there would be like 9 people in the army
— Jason Isbell (@JasonIsbell) September 28, 2020
imagine spending seventy thousand dollars on your hair and ending up with a fucked up rat's nest of cotton candy spaghetti pissmop bullshit on top of your big dumb pumpkin head
— Jeff Tiedrich (@itsJeffTiedrich) September 28, 2020
Raise your hand if you created the Bush-era tax cuts https://t.co/hmQqPDnLnF
— Kamran Fareedi (@kamran_fareedi) September 28, 2020
Men be treating their bedsheets like a damn cast iron pan
— KELGORE (@KelgoreTrout) September 27, 2020
September 28
how we market wine to women pic.twitter.com/qmzjhkK278
— kylie brakeman (@deadeyebrakeman) September 28, 2020
Hillary was right about the Russians, she was right about Donald not being a billionaire, she was right about the criminally low tax payments and all that would be revealed by his returns. But you guys didn't like her pantsuits, right? Her haircut? The tone of her voice?
— Abigail Disney (@abigaildisney) September 28, 2020
I think it's pretty progressive that America made their poorest person president.
— Matthew Broussard (@mondaypunday) September 28, 2020
People are making fun of this tweet, but Lydon kicked out the only capable songwriter in the Sex Pistols and replaced him with a talentless fuckup he was friends with, which is actually very similar to Trump's handling of federal agencies https://t.co/xu1SM660iJ
— pixelatedboat aka "mr tweets" (@pixelatedboat) September 29, 2020
the only interesting thing that has ever or will ever happen to the sex pistols pic.twitter.com/vYSGMgIubC
— Dan Ozzi (@danozzi) September 28, 2020
men should not be finding things funny. manslaughter is illegal for a reason
— Rachel 👻 (@femaleredhead) September 28, 2020
September 29
America is going to fall apart https://t.co/1RmVASbIfF
— isa (@moisturizeds) September 30, 2020
"i'm a 90's kid" no you're a 30 year old man
— wilson (@MediumWilly) September 29, 2020
American Horror Story: America
— Raquel Willis (@RaquelWillis_) September 30, 2020
Trevor reacts to the first "presidential debate." #DebatableTakes pic.twitter.com/TkSIYgdHlH
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) September 30, 2020
Huge if true pic.twitter.com/NXeTcyle9P
— Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) September 30, 2020
As an undecided voter it's just so hard for me to choose between the guy who called on his white supremacist gangs to terrorize Americans and the guy who didn't do that
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) September 30, 2020
September 30
Amazing rice art! 🔥 pic.twitter.com/2lViMl2obg
— Buitengebieden (@buitengebieden_) September 30, 2020
wait did anyone see this part of the debate? pic.twitter.com/rMaiQYzrL8
— Brian Kramer 🦀🍏 (@brianrkramer) September 30, 2020
Jagshemash my name Borat Sagdiyev, I like mouth party. Thank you Mr. Sacha Karen Cohen for let me usings your visual fax machine. Please you will look on this space tomorrow at 8.07pm Kazakhstan Time. Chenquieh pic.twitter.com/akdvw7vlTJ
— Sacha Baron Cohen (@SachaBaronCohen) October 1, 2020
I'm crying pic.twitter.com/g7sipOtgrr
— Bukky (@_Ebuka) September 30, 2020
I would best describe @realDonaldTrump's debate performance as a kamikaze pilot shooting himself in the face with a bazooka on the way down.
— Spiro Agnew's Ghost (@SpiroAgnewGhost) September 30, 2020
the only good thing about twitter is that every other week someone posts another example of jane fonda being cool as shit https://t.co/dZGmqhrehn
— Olivia Craighead (@oliviacraighead) September 30, 2020
October 1
Trains don't use highway exits. https://t.co/1z7AjOmTVQ
— Ed Markey (@EdMarkey) October 1, 2020
Watch this: https://t.co/e6Sniq2DCc
— Kevin M. Kruse (@KevinMKruse) October 1, 2020
It's happening!!!! https://t.co/0GKeVORsLm
— Tim Heidecker (@timheidecker) October 2, 2020
Hope Hicks slay queen!
— Joel Kim Booster (@ihatejoelkim) October 2, 2020